Halloween story
Ugh. I think I've eaten too much Halloween candy. I walked down stairs to my bed room
and I took off my Halloween costume, washed the paint off my face, put on my pajamas,
brushed my teeth, and went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night and leaned over
my bed and threw up all over. Then I fell back asleep and woke up at my normal time.
I did not feel so good but I still got ready. I left to get on the bus to get to school.
brushed my teeth, and went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night and leaned over
my bed and threw up all over. Then I fell back asleep and woke up at my normal time.
I did not feel so good but I still got ready. I left to get on the bus to get to school.
At school I was doing fine until second period because the teacher gave us candy and
I ate it but I ran to the bathroom and threw up again so I called my mom to take me
home. She came and got me and asked what was wrong and I said that I threw up
at school because I ate too much candy last night. She said I told you so. I knew that
you would eat to much candy.
The rest of the day I was at home laying on the couch and having a bad day.
home. She came and got me and asked what was wrong and I said that I threw up
at school because I ate too much candy last night. She said I told you so. I knew that
you would eat to much candy.
The rest of the day I was at home laying on the couch and having a bad day.
When my siblings got home they said, “why are you here.” Because something
happened at school that you don’t need to know about. The rest of the day I started to
feel better when I saw my siblings eating their candy I had to go to a different room.
Then finally the day was over and I felt better and went to school the next day. I will
never eat to much halloween candy ever again.
happened at school that you don’t need to know about. The rest of the day I started to
feel better when I saw my siblings eating their candy I had to go to a different room.
Then finally the day was over and I felt better and went to school the next day. I will
never eat to much halloween candy ever again.
I liked how this could happen to anybody and how you learn a life lesson to not eat too much candy but one thing is that i would add more detail and make the paragraphs a bit longer but it was really good.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how it was relatable and how it showed what could really happen. The only thing I would change is to not forget to put quotation marks like when your mom was talking. Other than that it was good!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how it was relatable and how it showed what could really happen. The only thing I would change is to not forget to put quotation marks like when your mom was talking. Other than that it was good!
ReplyDeleteI liked how it was something that could happen in real life. I would probably add a bigger climax, or give more details. Keep up the good writing!
ReplyDeleteI liked how you made it realistic. Next time don't forget to capitalize your I's when they are a lone in a sentence but other than that it is really good.
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ReplyDeleteI really liked how it was relatable and how it showed what could really happen. The only thing I would change is to not forget to put quotation marks like when your mom was talking. Other than that it was good!
Your story was so good, The only thing I would add is more punctuation. Good job!
ReplyDeleteGreat Job!!! I liked how it could happen to anyone. Maybe just more punctuation. Good Job Though.
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